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9/11 references are like Lay's potato chips...no Congress can make just one.
Jon Stewart
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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Potato
Potatoes
Chips
Lays
Congress
Make
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References
More quotes by Jon Stewart
Being funny in life is a lot more like judo. It's using the energy.
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When the court that handpicked you to be president tells you you've overstepped your bounds, you've overstepped your bounds.
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You talk about the Pro-Life movement being one of the great shames of our nation. I think, if you want number two, I think - I think it's that. I think it's absolute - it's a travesty that people have forced someone who is gay to make their case that they deserve the same basic rights.
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I have a lot of hostility.
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The danger of oppression is not just being oppressed, it's becoming an oppressor.
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Everybody wrings their hands about Fox News. You know, fair and balanced? Why, that's snide! Yeah, okay, maybe they're not fair and balanced, but CNN used to have the slogan You Can Depend on CNN. Guess what? I watch it, no you can't. So what's the difference?
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I don't trust any country that looks around a continent and says, Hey, I'll take the frozen part.
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There is no such thing as an impartial jury because there are no impartial people. There are people that argue on the web for hours about who their favorite character on 'Friends' is.
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[CNN, USA Today] they've got 24 hours to fill. You know, how many times can Anna Nicole Smith's baby get a new father?
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I remember having a grade-school teacher I thought was a hard-ass. When you're that age, you think the guy is Himmler. Then you visit him eight years later and he's wearing polyester pants, he's four foot eight, you think he's gay, and you're like, 'Are you the guy I was afraid of?
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My buddy Tim Bass he's a-workin' pumpin gas, and he makes two fifty for an hour. He's got rhythm in his hands as he's tappin' on the cans, sings rock and roll in the shower.
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If the guy in front of you at the polls has arm swords, you might want to considering filling out an absentee ballot.
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You need to take a long, hard look in the mirror and not come away thinking, Hey, there's something wrong with this mirror.
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[He died of thirst?] That sounds, if I might say, like the greatest Sprite commercial ever.
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I feel like [God]'s hazing us.
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It's great having Bruce Springsteen on my show. We have so much in common! We're both from New Jersey, just from different neighborhoods. Sort of like how Martin Luther King and Margaret Mitchell both came from Atlanta. But from different neighborhoods.
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But the main thing I don't want to be is un-funny. That's really the mandate. Just whatever we're doing, make it as funny as we can possibly make it. And believe me, if the show starts going down, we'll introduce a baby. We'll do everything that they did on `Family Ties.' I'm not afraid of that.
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The government should stop meddling in the business of the farmers, who would actually still be living ina desert if not for government meddling.
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I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.
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If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.
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