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9/11 references are like Lay's potato chips...no Congress can make just one.
Jon Stewart
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Jon Stewart
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
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Potato
Potatoes
Chips
Lays
Congress
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[Hugh Jackman is] an Adamantium-laced Fred Astaire.
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War that hasn't affected us here, in the way that you would imagine a five-year war would affect a country.
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The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1.
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Fire up your heart for the wind is getting cold, now it always gets cold for the riders of the night. When you carry that dream when you know what lonesome is looking for a home like a bird in flight.
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I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a charm.
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And try as I might, I am having difficulty giving a f**k.
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[Doogal] wasn't even animated. It was still and the audience had to move.
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Is listening to Pink Floyd in the dark a medical condition?
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I mean, I'm not hoping for the apes and the monolith. I'm hoping for controlled chaos to assist us.
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What you do for Jewish New Year is you go down to Times Square. It's a lot quieter than the regular New Year. It's just a few Jews walking around going, sup?
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The Rapture: The ultimate Republican back-up plan.
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To the people who are upset about their hard-earned tax money going to things they don’t like: welcome to the f*cking club. Reimburse me for the Iraq war and oil subsidies, and diaphragms are on me!
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What would Jesus, or any human being who isn't an asshole, do?
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I really think [the Bush Administration]'s foreign policy agenda is to spread irony through the world.
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Michael Brown, the director of FEMA, was nominated by President Bush in 2003 and plans to start the job any day now. ... Prior to heading FEMA, Brown spent the 90's as a commissioner -- this is true -- of the International Arabian Horse Association. I guess he stands out because most Bush appointees are beholden to Arabian people.
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I don't trust any country that looks around a continent and says, Hey, I'll take the frozen part.
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College is something you complete. Life is something you experience.
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The last thing we'll hear is some scientist saying 'It works!'
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Iran, Ireland, Israel. That's three countries, four religions that HATE each other. Way to go, 'I'.
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You cannot judge a book by its contents.
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