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The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.
Jon Stewart
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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Cutting
Plans
Room
Comedians
Wind
Mice
Rooms
Laid
Best
Floor
Comedian
Usually
More quotes by Jon Stewart
If I could be really competent, that goes such a long way toward things, because the majority of things are not competent. If I can be competent, and have moments of originality, that's all I would ask for.
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Divorce isn't caused because 50% of marriages end in gayness.
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The conversation that the Senate and the House are having with the President [Barack Obama] was very similar to the conversation that [John] McCain and I were having, which was two people talking over each other and nobody really addressing the underlying issues of what kind of country do we want to be.
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Remember that guy who got gored by a bull and the bull pulled his underwear off and he had to run around the ring naked? If that footage comes out, I'll run that.
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The blow back from the cold war is that a weakened Russia allowed Afghanistan to become a failed state, and then all this weaponry to flow into all these other conflicts. Our greatest triumph has almost fueled our most intractable battle now.
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I feel much more strongly about the abdication of responsibility by the media than by political advocates. They're representing a constituency.
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I don't care about wealth. What seems to be upsetting is institutionalizing the advantages that wealth gives you.
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The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom. That's all it is. All those media companies say, We're going to make a killing here. You won't because it's still only as good as the content.
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The government should stop meddling in the business of the farmers, who would actually still be living ina desert if not for government meddling.
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I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a charm.
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I really think [the Bush Administration]'s foreign policy agenda is to spread irony through the world.
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If you smell something, say something.
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Watching these channels all day is incredibly depressing. I live in a constant state of depression. I think of us as turd miners. I put on my helmet, I go and mine turds, hopefully I don't get turd lung disease.
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They may want to insist that corporations are people but corporations are certainly not Americans.
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The Republicans are calling the Democrats' plan to have a deadline for US troop withdrawal from Iraq an 'admission of failure', as opposed to the Republican plan which is 'failure without admission'.
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For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We don't you know, it's interesting. I think we don't make things up. We just distill it to, hopefully, its most humorous nugget. And in that sense it seems faked and skewed just because we don't have to be subjective or pretend to be objective. We can just put it out there.
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Any fool can blow something up. Any fool can destroy. But to see these guys, these firefighters and these policemen and people from all over the country, literally with buckets, rebuilding... that's extraordinary. And that's why we have already won... they can't... it's light. It's democracy. They can't shut that down.
Jon Stewart
What are you so mad about? That we still have a government? We still have “traffic lights.” We’re sorry. The government’s not perfect, but some people wish it was better, not gone.
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I have not moved out of the comedian's box into the news box. The news box is moving towards me.
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Like everyone else, I want to sleep with Leonardo DiCaprio.
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