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The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Rooms
Laid
Best
Floor
Comedian
Usually
Cutting
Plans
Room
Comedians
Wind
Mice

More quotes by Jon Stewart

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I know that my job is to perform, it wouldn't be a very interesting show if I just came out one day and said, I'm going to sit here in a ball and rock back and forth. And won't you join me for a half hour of sadness.
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If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?
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I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.
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Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.
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Fire up your heart for the wind is getting cold, now it always gets cold for the riders of the night. When you carry that dream when you know what lonesome is looking for a home like a bird in flight.
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Corporations are the only reason the tax code is so complicated in the first place. Those off-shore loopholes didn't get carved out by poor people.
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Despite his infirmities, Strom Thurmond showed up to work every day and did not miss a Senate vote in his final year, though no one is sure if a shouted 'Bingo!' counted as a yea or a nay.
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Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality.
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Nobody out-rednecks the great state of America.
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Like everyone else, I want to sleep with Leonardo DiCaprio.
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I have great respect for people who are in the front lines and the trenches of trying to enact social change. I am far lazier than that.
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You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things.
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Is listening to Pink Floyd in the dark a medical condition?
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I really think [the Bush Administration]'s foreign policy agenda is to spread irony through the world.
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When my syndicated show got canceled, the next day I still knew how to write jokes. That was a huge revelation. Because at first you think, I won't have any shelter! What am I gonna do? The sun is hot. Very thirsty.
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Everything is presented in as devious a manner as it could possibly be presented.
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I'm less upset with politicians than the media. I feel like politicians, there is a certain, inherent - you know, the way I always explain it is, when you go to the zoo and a monkey throws its feces, it's a monkey. But, when the zookeeper is standing right there, and he doesn't say bad monkey... Somebody's got to be the zookeeper.
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My life is a series of Hollywood orgies and Kabbalah center brunches with the cast of Friends. At least that's what my handlers tell me. I'm actually too valuable to live my own life and spend most of my days in a vegetable crisper to remain fake news anchor fresh.
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You know if I had nickel for every time Bush has mentioned 9/11, I could raise enough reward money to go after Bin Laden.
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Wow, the entire network of anchors has been hired to be the press secretary.
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