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You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls. What is wrong with you?

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Calls
Phone
Phones
Leads
Wrong
Show
Crank
Making
Shows
Puppets

More quotes by Jon Stewart

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It's very hard to feel the difficulties that the military goes through. It's very hard to feel the difficulties of military families, unless you're in that environment. And sometimes you have to force yourself to try and put yourself in other people's sort of shoes and environment to get the sense of that.
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Divorce isn't caused because 50% of marriages end in gayness.
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The only time a politico will try to avoid playing the blame game is when they or theirs are to blame.
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Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you've gotta admit: a lot of people hate him.
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Get a sense of humor. If you don't, it'll be incredibly frustrating.
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Everything in Italian sounds like 'Give me your money or I'm going to beat your @$$'.
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Wow, the entire network of anchors has been hired to be the press secretary.
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Ah, the first rule of public speaking -- always start with a joke.
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To me, that's where a lot of satire lies. News used to hold itself to a higher plane and slowly it has dissolved into, well, me.
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The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.
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I can't tell you how many times we'll run into a journalist and go, Boy that's...I wish we could be saying that. That's exactly the way we see it and that's exactly the way we'd like to be saying that. And I always think, Well, why don't you?
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Iran, Ireland, Israel. That's three countries, four religions that HATE each other. Way to go, 'I'.
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Following revelations that he fathered a love child, the good Reverend Jesse Jackson - or should we say the 'very' good Reverend - is enduring the scandal with the help of family and friends. A scandal which gives clearer meaning to the Rainbow Coalition's Operation 'Push'.
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Don't worry, as long as America still has natural resources, you guys are okay.
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It's not really a good sign when your audience applauds Satan.
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As an adolescent, Vonnegut made my life bearable.
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The beautiful thing about faking a news show is the topicality is delayed.
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Give me back the $800 billion for the Iraq war and children's television PBS is on the house.
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That's what it's like to be a comedian. You basically stand and stare at the world and hope it craps out cause that's a good year for you. So that's not a pleasant feeling.
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The Republicans are calling the Democrats' plan to have a deadline for US troop withdrawal from Iraq an 'admission of failure', as opposed to the Republican plan which is 'failure without admission'.
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