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You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls. What is wrong with you?
Jon Stewart
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Jon Stewart
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Phone
Phones
Leads
Wrong
Show
Making
Crank
Shows
Puppets
Calls
More quotes by Jon Stewart
The last thing we'll hear is some scientist saying 'It works!'
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Here in the U.S., we've made democracy into a science. A cold, impersonal science.
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The psychology degree is simply that I was a chemistry major, and they kept wanting the correct answer, whereas in psychology you basically write whatever you want, and chances are you get a B.
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Corporations are the only reason the tax code is so complicated in the first place. Those off-shore loopholes didn't get carved out by poor people.
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I don't think marijuana should be illegal.
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The best defence against bullshit is vigilance. So if you smell something, say something.
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The press is our immune system. If it overreacts to everything, we eventually get sicker.
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So Fox News is the voice of America and Obama is Stalin? Oh my God! I guess that makes me Yakov Smirnoff.
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Don't worry, as long as America still has natural resources, you guys are okay.
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All I'm saying is [John McCain] cannot look a soldier in the eye and say Questioning the president is less supportive to you than extending your tour three months. You should be coming home to your family.
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I don't care about wealth. What seems to be upsetting is institutionalizing the advantages that wealth gives you.
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Critics have noted Schwarzenegger's only previous government experience was serving under President Bush senior as Chairman of the Council of Physical Fitness, a largely symbolic office, where Schwarzenegger's only responsibility was doing hundreds of jumping jacks he was going to do anyway.
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[He died of thirst?] That sounds, if I might say, like the greatest Sprite commercial ever.
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Ah, the first rule of public speaking -- always start with a joke.
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Poor Al Gore, global warming completely debunked, via the very Internet you invented.
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You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning.
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Sitting around with funny people, banging out jokes and creating a television show. I have no hobbies, no outside interests. I'm fine with spending 14 hours a day putting a show together with tape and string.
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McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.
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The bias of the mainstream media is toward sensationalism, conflict, and laziness.
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