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You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls. What is wrong with you?
Jon Stewart
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Jon Stewart
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Making
Crank
Shows
Puppets
Calls
Phone
Phones
Leads
Wrong
Show
More quotes by Jon Stewart
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A joke is a joke. There's an expression - I don't know if you have it - that's 'adding insult to injury.'
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The press has bravely and nobly eroded the public trust... What I'm advocating is the media come work for us again. Remove themselves from the symbiotic relationship that they have developed with the power structure of corporations and of the politicians.
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Get a sense of humor. If you don't, it'll be incredibly frustrating.
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Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.
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[The conversation with John McCain] is not about being a pacifist or- suggesting that you can never have a military solution to things. It's just that, it appears that this is not the smart way to fight this threat.
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In 1982 I was playing soccer at William and Mary, and a kid from Randolph-Macon called me a kike. I ran after him. 'I'm not a... well, yes I am.
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Iran, Ireland, Israel. That's three countries, four religions that HATE each other. Way to go, 'I'.
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Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you've gotta admit: a lot of people hate him.
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I feel like [God]'s hazing us.
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A guy who says what people who aren't thinking are thinking.
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If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?
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The government should stop meddling in the business of the farmers, who would actually still be living ina desert if not for government meddling.
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[Doogal] wasn't even animated. It was still and the audience had to move.
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No health care for poor kids? You know, I thought something like that was only done by cartoon villains. You're (Pres. Bush) slowly going from being Nixon to Mr. Burns.
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Some people look at a glass and see it as half-full. Others look at a glass and call it a dragon.
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I'm also interviewing a guy who's just written a book about his experience living in Iraq, faced with the type of violence as he said, an unimaginable scale. And I think that the combination of that is very hard to shake.
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Here it is. My moment of zen.
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Planet Hollywood has shrunk from seventy-five locations around the world to just over thirty-five over the past two years. No new Planet Hollywoods are opening, which in turn has caused a 100 percent decline in opportunities for Bruce Willis to play the harmonica.
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President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader.
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