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You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls. What is wrong with you?
Jon Stewart
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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Wrong
Show
Making
Crank
Shows
Puppets
Calls
Phone
Phones
Leads
More quotes by Jon Stewart
People, if you can't get through the puns, I can't give you the good stuff.
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To me, that's where a lot of satire lies. News used to hold itself to a higher plane and slowly it has dissolved into, well, me.
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I feel much more strongly about the abdication of responsibility by the media than by political advocates. They're representing a constituency.
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I have not moved out of the comedian's box into the news box. The news box is moving towards me.
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You need to take a long, hard look in the mirror and not come away thinking, Hey, there's something wrong with this mirror.
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Don't worry, as long as America still has natural resources, you guys are okay.
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To have not shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.
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Glenn Beck does have a dream. Unfortunately, it's the kind of dream you have when you eat four pepperoni hot pockets right before bed.
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Yon Kippur. Greatest Jewish holiday ever. The Jewish day of attonement. You don't ear for one day, all your sins for the year are wiped clean. Beat that with your little Lent. What is Lent? Forty days of absolution. Forty days to one day. Even in sin you're paying retail.
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The country of Mexico has just gotten its first Taco Bell. You're Welcome. Finally, Mexicans will have access to... Mexican food. Bon appetit. I can't imagine how confused they will be when they get a taco.
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California is choosing between the lesser of, uh, 300 evils.
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When did fact checking and journalism go their separate ways?
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I have great respect for people who are in the front lines and the trenches of trying to enact social change. I am far lazier than that.
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Nineteen people flew into the towers. It seems hard for me to imagine that we could go to war enough to make the world safe enough that nineteen people wouldn't want to do harm to us. So it seems like we have to rethink a strategy that is less military-based.
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People talk about sexual assault like it's a bad habit that men have.
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You can use your idealism to further your aims, if you realize that nothing is Nirvana, nothing is perfect.
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So if you're negative, you live longer? That sounds like a cruel joke.
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Senior year is supposed to be about being mentally done.
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For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We don't you know, it's interesting. I think we don't make things up. We just distill it to, hopefully, its most humorous nugget. And in that sense it seems faked and skewed just because we don't have to be subjective or pretend to be objective. We can just put it out there.
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The Republicans are calling the Democrats' plan to have a deadline for US troop withdrawal from Iraq an 'admission of failure', as opposed to the Republican plan which is 'failure without admission'.
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