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Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Everything
Like
Sell
Sells
Core
Guys
Guy
Earth

More quotes by Jon Stewart

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The press has bravely and nobly eroded the public trust... What I'm advocating is the media come work for us again. Remove themselves from the symbiotic relationship that they have developed with the power structure of corporations and of the politicians.
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When the court that handpicked you to be president tells you you've overstepped your bounds, you've overstepped your bounds.
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Attorney General John Ashcroft bid farewell to the Justice Department with a goodbye address. The voluntary resignation came as a bit of a disappointment to the attorney general, who had hoped to be raptured out of office.
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When my syndicated show got canceled, the next day I still knew how to write jokes. That was a huge revelation. Because at first you think, I won't have any shelter! What am I gonna do? The sun is hot. Very thirsty.
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61% of graduating teens have had sex, 37% will eventually have sex, and 2% become statisticians.
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I like not to be good at anything, so I keep hopping around.
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The nation of Dubai banned the movie Charlie's Angles because it's offensive to the religion of Islam. Apparently, the religion of Islam is offended by anything without a plot.
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You know if I had nickel for every time Bush has mentioned 9/11, I could raise enough reward money to go after Bin Laden.
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The United States Central Command of the Armed Forces has asked Geraldo Rivera to leave Iraq. It should also be noted that the only three other people that the U.S. military has asked to leave Iraq are Saddam Hussein and his two sons.
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There is going to come a day when everyone here is going to need keen observation and wit to ridicule George W. Bush. But when that day comes, all we're going to have are tired puns and goofy looks. Because as you would say, we're suffering from the soft bigotry of low expectorations.
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I focus on the task and try and do it as best we can. And we're constantly evolving it, because it's my way of trying to make sense of all these ambivalent feelings I have.
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I'm also interviewing a guy who's just written a book about his experience living in Iraq, faced with the type of violence as he said, an unimaginable scale. And I think that the combination of that is very hard to shake.
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The beautiful thing about faking a news show is the topicality is delayed.
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Get a sense of humor. If you don't, it'll be incredibly frustrating.
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Democrats do have a historic race going. Hillary Clinton vs. Barack Obama. Normally, when you see a black man or a woman president an asteroid is about to hit the Statue of Liberty.
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Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain.
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If you break someone's leg, shouldn't you have to be the crutch for a while?
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The press is our immune system. If it overreacts to everything, we eventually get sicker.
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I don't care about wealth. What seems to be upsetting is institutionalizing the advantages that wealth gives you.
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It's a wonder our country doesn't implode.
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