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Like everyone else, I want to sleep with Leonardo DiCaprio.
Jon Stewart
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Jon Stewart
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Like
Leonardo
Sleep
Everyone
Else
More quotes by Jon Stewart
You talk about the Pro-Life movement being one of the great shames of our nation. I think, if you want number two, I think - I think it's that. I think it's absolute - it's a travesty that people have forced someone who is gay to make their case that they deserve the same basic rights.
Jon Stewart
Any fool can blow something up. Any fool can destroy. But to see these guys, these firefighters and these policemen and people from all over the country, literally with buckets, rebuilding... that's extraordinary. And that's why we have already won... they can't... it's light. It's democracy. They can't shut that down.
Jon Stewart
[When you have kids] you become much more - there are two things that happen. You recognize how fragile individuals are, and you recognize the strength of the general overall group, but you don't care anymore. You're just fighting for the one thing. See and then, you also recognize that everybody, then, is also somebody's child.
Jon Stewart
If you're going to give people 20 minutes of news satire, you've also got to give them Tiffani-Amber Thiessen or you're going to have rioting in the streets.
Jon Stewart
Don't worry, as long as America still has natural resources, you guys are okay.
Jon Stewart
My life is a series of Hollywood orgies and Kabbalah center brunches with the cast of Friends. At least that's what my handlers tell me. I'm actually too valuable to live my own life and spend most of my days in a vegetable crisper to remain fake news anchor fresh.
Jon Stewart
The best way to describe my ability was to say that after the game the other kids would say to me, 'Way to try!'
Jon Stewart
I'll tell you this: Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality. And the protections that we have, for religion -we protect religion- and talk about a lifestyle choice! That is absolutely a choice. Gay people don't choose to be gay. At what age did you choose not to be gay?
Jon Stewart
There is going to come a day when everyone here is going to need keen observation and wit to ridicule George W. Bush. But when that day comes, all we're going to have are tired puns and goofy looks. Because as you would say, we're suffering from the soft bigotry of low expectorations.
Jon Stewart
I think that, if we do anything in a positive sense for the world, is provide one little bit of context, that's very specifically focused, and hopefully people can add to their entire puzzle that gives them a larger picture of what it is that they see.
Jon Stewart
If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?
Jon Stewart
Does anyone know... does the Christian persecution complex have an expiration date? Because... uh... you've all been in charge pretty much since... uh... what was that guys name... Constantine. He converted in, what was it, 312 A.D. I'm just saying, enjoy your success.
Jon Stewart
The government should stop meddling in the business of the farmers, who would actually still be living ina desert if not for government meddling.
Jon Stewart
The wisdom of the masses is not always wise. You could put a lot of things to a vote-you could have put anti-miscegenation laws to a vote, and that would have passed pretty handily. Either all people are created equal-or they're not. You're either buying into the original premise of America-or you're not.
Jon Stewart
I wonder who really is the change candidate? It can't be both of them [Hillary Clinton & Barak Obama]. What would be a black man and a woman - how could that be different than the 43 other Presidents we've had?
Jon Stewart
Clearly, I'm way older than everyone.
Jon Stewart
Here it is. My moment of zen.
Jon Stewart
I thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it's not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection.
Jon Stewart
McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.
Jon Stewart
Songwriting is the way of perpetual want. Songwriters are the blessed/cursed people. You will never have a moment's peace in your life. You will always be wanting the next song.
Jon Stewart
