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Like everyone else, I want to sleep with Leonardo DiCaprio.
Jon Stewart
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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Leonardo
Sleep
Everyone
Else
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More quotes by Jon Stewart
Why would these English explorers search for these spices, yet never use them in their food?
Jon Stewart
The psychology degree is simply that I was a chemistry major, and they kept wanting the correct answer, whereas in psychology you basically write whatever you want, and chances are you get a B.
Jon Stewart
If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values: they're hobbies.
Jon Stewart
Don't worry, as long as America still has natural resources, you guys are okay.
Jon Stewart
I think the main thing that has to end is men's defensiveness.
Jon Stewart
I thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it's not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection.
Jon Stewart
Everybody wrings their hands about Fox News. You know, fair and balanced? Why, that's snide! Yeah, okay, maybe they're not fair and balanced, but CNN used to have the slogan You Can Depend on CNN. Guess what? I watch it, no you can't. So what's the difference?
Jon Stewart
Why did the Articles [of Confederation] fail so completely? Most historians believe the founding fathers spent a great deal of their first constitutional convention drafting the delaration of independence and only realized on July 3rd the Articles were also due.
Jon Stewart
When did fact checking and journalism go their separate ways?
Jon Stewart
I thought we were out of money!? You can't simultaneously fire teachers AND tomahawk missiles.
Jon Stewart
I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.
Jon Stewart
I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about, and that's really it. I have great respect for people who are in the front lines and the trenches of trying to enact social change, but I am far lazier than that.
Jon Stewart
[Doogal] wasn't even animated. It was still and the audience had to move.
Jon Stewart
As a comedian, as a person, as a citizen, as a mammal - in all of those areas, I am looking forward to the end of the Bush administration with every fiber of my being.
Jon Stewart
The last thing we'll hear is some scientist saying 'It works!'
Jon Stewart
President Bush's approval ratings have taken somewhat of a dive. A senior slump, if you will. Leading President Bush to one conclusion: He is the only one who realizes what a great job he's being doing.
Jon Stewart
You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning.
Jon Stewart
I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.
Jon Stewart
California is choosing between the lesser of, uh, 300 evils.
Jon Stewart
I still do not understand how a corporation can have person-hood if it has no soul and never dies.
Jon Stewart
