Quote

My buddy Tim Bass he's a-workin' pumpin gas, and he makes two fifty for an hour. He's got rhythm in his hands as he's tappin' on the cans, sings rock and roll in the shower.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Makes
Gas
Hands
Roll
Workin
Two
Fifty
Cans
Rhythm
Sings
Hour
Shower
Rock
Buddy
Rocks
Showers
Hours
Bass

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The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.
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College is something you complete. Life is something you experience. So don't worry about your grade, or the results or success. Success is defined in myriad ways, and you will find it, and people will no longer be grading you, but it will come from your own internal sense of decency.
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A joke is a joke. There's an expression - I don't know if you have it - that's 'adding insult to injury.'
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I don't trust any country that looks around a continent and says, Hey, I'll take the frozen part.
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By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.
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Don't worry, as long as America still has natural resources, you guys are okay.
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The reason I don’t worry about society is, nineteen people knocked down two buildings and killed thousands. Hundreds of people ran into those buildings to save them. I’ll take those odds every f*cking day.
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There is no such thing as an impartial jury because there are no impartial people. There are people that argue on the web for hours about who their favorite character on 'Friends' is.
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I wonder who really is the change candidate? It can't be both of them [Hillary Clinton & Barak Obama]. What would be a black man and a woman - how could that be different than the 43 other Presidents we've had?
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On an average day 7 minutes of news happens. Yet there are currently three full-time, 24-hour news networks.
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Everything in Italian sounds like 'Give me your money or I'm going to beat your @$$'.
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To have not shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.
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Democrats - always standing up for what they later realize they should have believed in.
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Watching these channels all day is incredibly depressing. I live in a constant state of depression. I think of us as turd miners. I put on my helmet, I go and mine turds, hopefully I don't get turd lung disease.
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I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.
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The danger of oppression is not just being oppressed, it's becoming an oppressor.
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Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality.
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There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!
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