Quote

My buddy Tim Bass he's a-workin' pumpin gas, and he makes two fifty for an hour. He's got rhythm in his hands as he's tappin' on the cans, sings rock and roll in the shower.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Two
Fifty
Cans
Rhythm
Sings
Hour
Shower
Rock
Buddy
Rocks
Showers
Hours
Bass
Makes
Gas
Hands
Roll
Workin

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I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about, and that's really it. I have great respect for people who are in the front lines and the trenches of trying to enact social change, but I am far lazier than that.
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If you smell something, say something.
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When the court that handpicked you to be president tells you you've overstepped your bounds, you've overstepped your bounds.
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Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything.
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The bias of the mainstream media is toward sensationalism, conflict, and laziness.
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Why would these English explorers search for these spices, yet never use them in their food?
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The night I turned twenty-two, I drank a shot for every year. I was so drunk, I'd just walk up to people in the bar and hit them in the balls. My friends drove me home and left me propped up on the couch holding a bucket. I woke up with vomit all over me. The bucket was clean as a whistle.
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I want a sandwich named after me.
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I'm less upset with politicians than the media. I feel like politicians, there is a certain, inherent - you know, the way I always explain it is, when you go to the zoo and a monkey throws its feces, it's a monkey. But, when the zookeeper is standing right there, and he doesn't say bad monkey... Somebody's got to be the zookeeper.
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That's the beauty of our show. Comedy or politics. We're sort of a mix. A space age polymer of both. A synthetic comedy-like material.
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Ah, the first rule of public speaking -- always start with a joke.
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[He died of thirst?] That sounds, if I might say, like the greatest Sprite commercial ever.
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How refreshing. A suspect beaten up BEFORE the LAPD showed up.
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As long as I don't end up hosting a skin care commercial with Cher, I'm happy.
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College is something you complete. Life is something you experience. So don't worry about your grade, or the results or success. Success is defined in myriad ways, and you will find it, and people will no longer be grading you, but it will come from your own internal sense of decency.
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The press is our immune system. If it overreacts to everything, we eventually get sicker.
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I can't tell you how many times we'll run into a journalist and go, Boy that's...I wish we could be saying that. That's exactly the way we see it and that's exactly the way we'd like to be saying that. And I always think, Well, why don't you?
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The Vietnam war was fought over portion size.
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I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.
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The beautiful thing about faking a news show is the topicality is delayed.
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