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Watching Fox, that's like watching the Cartoon Network. Fox is nuts.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
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Foxes
Cartoon
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Nuts
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More quotes by Jon Stewart

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If you break someone's leg, shouldn't you have to be the crutch for a while?
Jon Stewart
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That whole thing has been overstated by environmentalists. First of all, what is it, rocks and snow? C'mon, what is that, you want that? Go to Canada my friend. Believe me, rocks and snow are overrated. I've seen otters - they look better covered in oil.
Jon Stewart
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Technology. It's like science, only useless.
Jon Stewart
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Don't worry, as long as America still has natural resources, you guys are okay.
Jon Stewart
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9/11 references are like Lay's potato chips...no Congress can make just one.
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I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.
Jon Stewart
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The government that governs best, governs best!
Jon Stewart
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Here's the way I look at it. President Bush has uranium-tipped bunker busters and I have puns. I think he'll be OK.
Jon Stewart
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The press is our immune system. If it overreacts to everything, we eventually get sicker.
Jon Stewart
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I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.
Jon Stewart
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Why is it that if you take advantage of a corporate tax break you're a smart businessman, but if you take advantage of something so you don't go hungry, you're a moocher?
Jon Stewart
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Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearing the symbols of their religion... perhaps around their necks? And maybe -- dare I dream it? -- maybe one day there can be an openly Christian President. Or, perhaps, 43 of them. Consecutively.
Jon Stewart
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After going to war against the U.N.'s expressed wishes, the U.S. is now admitting it needs the U.N.'s help. It's the geopolitical equivalent of the 2 a.m. phone call ever parent dreads: 'Mom, I'm not saying I wrecked the car, but I need a ride home.'
Jon Stewart
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So Fox News is the voice of America and Obama is Stalin? Oh my God! I guess that makes me Yakov Smirnoff.
Jon Stewart
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Putting the 10 commandments up to prevent crime is like putting 'Employees must wash hands' up to keep the piss out of your burger.
Jon Stewart
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When Henry Hill [in Goodfellas] got arrested for the first time and Robert DeNiro met him at the courthouse and Henry Hill was really upset, 'cause he thought Robert DeNiro would be really mad at him. And DeNiro comes up to him and he gives him a $100 and he goes, You got pinched. We all get pinched, but you did it right, you didn't say nothing.
Jon Stewart
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You cannot judge a book by its contents.
Jon Stewart
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If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news.
Jon Stewart
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Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core.
Jon Stewart
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Does anyone know... does the Christian persecution complex have an expiration date? Because... uh... you've all been in charge pretty much since... uh... what was that guys name... Constantine. He converted in, what was it, 312 A.D. I'm just saying, enjoy your success.
Jon Stewart