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Bush advisers have long been worried that a lagging economy could hamper the president's re-election chances. They hope that the Cabinet shake-up will provide a needed jolt. If that doesn't work, North Korea has to go.
Jon Stewart
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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Economy
Chances
Jolt
Chance
Shakes
Hamper
Hope
North
Advisers
President
Bush
Adviser
Doesn
Worried
Cabinet
Work
Provide
Cabinets
Long
Election
Shake
Needed
Korea
Lagging
More quotes by Jon Stewart
In what is perhaps the strangest turn in the President's efforts to rally support, he agreed that Iraq is just like Vietnam, but in a good way.
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My life is a series of Hollywood orgies and Kabbalah center brunches with the cast of Friends. At least that's what my handlers tell me. I'm actually too valuable to live my own life and spend most of my days in a vegetable crisper to remain fake news anchor fresh.
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Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you've gotta admit: a lot of people hate him.
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Watching these channels all day is incredibly depressing. I live in a constant state of depression. I think of us as turd miners. I put on my helmet, I go and mine turds, hopefully I don't get turd lung disease.
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New York City isn't Chuck E. Cheese. We don't have ball pits for the kids to play in. We have titty bars and crack.
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I thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it's not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection.
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The nation of Dubai banned the movie Charlie's Angles because it's offensive to the religion of Islam. Apparently, the religion of Islam is offended by anything without a plot.
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The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.
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Everything in Italian sounds like 'Give me your money or I'm going to beat your @$$'.
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Congress is the Justin Bieber of our government
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The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom. That's all it is. All those media companies say, We're going to make a killing here. You won't because it's still only as good as the content.
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Hopefully the only things off-limits are crummy jokes, but being a standup comedian, I know that's not always the case... You know it when you have to take a shower afterward.
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McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.
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Nobody out-rednecks the great state of America.
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So Fox News is the voice of America and Obama is Stalin? Oh my God! I guess that makes me Yakov Smirnoff.
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The press has bravely and nobly eroded the public trust... What I'm advocating is the media come work for us again. Remove themselves from the symbiotic relationship that they have developed with the power structure of corporations and of the politicians.
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I still do not understand how a corporation can have person-hood if it has no soul and never dies.
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Parenthood is an amazing opportunity to be able to ruin someone from scratch.
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I only find out where countries are when we start bombing them.
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Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.
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