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You know if I had nickel for every time Bush has mentioned 9/11, I could raise enough reward money to go after Bin Laden.
Jon Stewart
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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Enough
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Every
Laden
Time
Reward
Bush
Raise
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Nickel
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Nickels
More quotes by Jon Stewart
Get a sense of humor. If you don't, it'll be incredibly frustrating.
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You need to take a long, hard look in the mirror and not come away thinking, Hey, there's something wrong with this mirror.
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The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.
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So, is there hope for a truly democratic Africa? Long answer: Only if continent-wide improvements in education, human rights and public health are coupled with an aggressive and far-sighted debt-relief program that breaks the cycle of subsistence farming and urban squalor. Short answer: No.
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I still do not understand how a corporation can have person-hood if it has no soul and never dies.
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The last thing we'll hear is some scientist saying 'It works!'
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I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about, and that's really it. I have great respect for people who are in the front lines and the trenches of trying to enact social change, but I am far lazier than that.
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I visit Fox News every now and again, and it's nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building.
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I think the main thing that has to end is men's defensiveness.
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Nineteen people flew into the towers. It seems hard for me to imagine that we could go to war enough to make the world safe enough that nineteen people wouldn't want to do harm to us. So it seems like we have to rethink a strategy that is less military-based.
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Corporations are the only reason the tax code is so complicated in the first place. Those off-shore loopholes didn't get carved out by poor people.
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The President says, We are in the fight for a way of life. This is the greatest battle of our generation, and of the generations to come.
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My buddy Tim Bass he's a-workin' pumpin gas, and he makes two fifty for an hour. He's got rhythm in his hands as he's tappin' on the cans, sings rock and roll in the shower.
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People talk about sexual assault like it's a bad habit that men have.
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Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.
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I think you lose your innocence when you have kids, because the world suddenly becomes a much more dangerous place.
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Isn't it amazing what scientists can accomplish when no one makes them stop?
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Attorney General John Ashcroft bid farewell to the Justice Department with a goodbye address. The voluntary resignation came as a bit of a disappointment to the attorney general, who had hoped to be raptured out of office.
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The conversation that the Senate and the House are having with the President [Barack Obama] was very similar to the conversation that [John] McCain and I were having, which was two people talking over each other and nobody really addressing the underlying issues of what kind of country do we want to be.
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Everything in Italian sounds like 'Give me your money or I'm going to beat your @$$'.
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