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When you think about it, Alaska is also near the North Pole, so she must also be friends with Santa.
Jon Stewart
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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
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Pole
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Alaska
Santa
North
Near
Friends
More quotes by Jon Stewart
If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.
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It's always funny until the hooker mentions her son.
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In what is perhaps the strangest turn in the President's efforts to rally support, he agreed that Iraq is just like Vietnam, but in a good way.
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I really think [the Bush Administration]'s foreign policy agenda is to spread irony through the world.
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They always throw around this term 'the liberal elite.' And I kept thinking to myself about the Christian right. What's more elite than believing that only you will go to heaven?
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The danger of oppression is not just being oppressed, it's becoming an oppressor.
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Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core.
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That's what it's like to be a comedian. You basically stand and stare at the world and hope it craps out cause that's a good year for you. So that's not a pleasant feeling.
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For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We don't you know, it's interesting. I think we don't make things up. We just distill it to, hopefully, its most humorous nugget. And in that sense it seems faked and skewed just because we don't have to be subjective or pretend to be objective. We can just put it out there.
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College is something you complete. Life is something you experience.
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As an adolescent, Vonnegut made my life bearable.
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I think you lose your innocence when you have kids, because the world suddenly becomes a much more dangerous place.
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I'm doing everything I can to sabotage my career. It's a little thing called fear of success.
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The night I turned twenty-two, I drank a shot for every year. I was so drunk, I'd just walk up to people in the bar and hit them in the balls. My friends drove me home and left me propped up on the couch holding a bucket. I woke up with vomit all over me. The bucket was clean as a whistle.
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I have a lot of hostility.
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I want a sandwich named after me.
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Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.
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Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.
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The blow back from the cold war is that a weakened Russia allowed Afghanistan to become a failed state, and then all this weaponry to flow into all these other conflicts. Our greatest triumph has almost fueled our most intractable battle now.
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A joke is a joke. There's an expression - I don't know if you have it - that's 'adding insult to injury.'
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