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College is something you complete. Life is something you experience. So don't worry about your grade, or the results or success. Success is defined in myriad ways, and you will find it, and people will no longer be grading you, but it will come from your own internal sense of decency.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
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Ways
Internal
People
Success
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Defined
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Myriad
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More quotes by Jon Stewart

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I'm not trying to be modest of self-deprecating or in any way trying to do that.
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I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.
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Critics have noted Schwarzenegger's only previous government experience was serving under President Bush senior as Chairman of the Council of Physical Fitness, a largely symbolic office, where Schwarzenegger's only responsibility was doing hundreds of jumping jacks he was going to do anyway.
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The bias of the mainstream media is toward sensationalism, conflict, and laziness.
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You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning.
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Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.
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Is listening to Pink Floyd in the dark a medical condition?
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Does anyone know... does the Christian persecution complex have an expiration date? Because... uh... you've all been in charge pretty much since... uh... what was that guys name... Constantine. He converted in, what was it, 312 A.D. I'm just saying, enjoy your success.
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We feel no obligation to follow the news cycle. In other words, I felt no obligation to cover story in anyway, because we're not like I said, we're not journalists. And at that point, there's nothing sort of funny or absurd or to say about it.
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[President Bush] recently challenged Iraqi soldiers still fighting U.S. troops like so: ... 'My answer is bring 'em on.' For those of you who may be criticizing Bush for acting like a movie cowboy, let me remind you. He's actually acting more like a movie cheerleader.
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You need to take a long, hard look in the mirror and not come away thinking, Hey, there's something wrong with this mirror.
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It's a wonder our country doesn't implode.
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If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news.
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So, is there hope for a truly democratic Africa? Long answer: Only if continent-wide improvements in education, human rights and public health are coupled with an aggressive and far-sighted debt-relief program that breaks the cycle of subsistence farming and urban squalor. Short answer: No.
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The Westboro Baptist Church is no more a church than Church's Fried Chicken is a church.
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61% of graduating teens have had sex, 37% will eventually have sex, and 2% become statisticians.
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Isn't it amazing what scientists can accomplish when no one makes them stop?
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President Bush's approval ratings have taken somewhat of a dive. A senior slump, if you will. Leading President Bush to one conclusion: He is the only one who realizes what a great job he's being doing.
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I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about, and that's really it. I have great respect for people who are in the front lines and the trenches of trying to enact social change, but I am far lazier than that.
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By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.
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