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Everyone knows if a Republican comes out of the closet and sees a gay shadow, it means six more years of a Democratic administration.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Mean
Administration
Years
Six
Shadow
Democratic
Republican
Closet
Everyone
Closets
Means
Sees
Comes
Gay

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The beautiful thing about faking a news show is the topicality is delayed.
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The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.
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Here in the U.S., we've made democracy into a science. A cold, impersonal science.
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People, if you can't get through the puns, I can't give you the good stuff.
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I really think [the Bush Administration]'s foreign policy agenda is to spread irony through the world.
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If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news.
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You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning.
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I mean, I'm not hoping for the apes and the monolith. I'm hoping for controlled chaos to assist us.
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The night I turned twenty-two, I drank a shot for every year. I was so drunk, I'd just walk up to people in the bar and hit them in the balls. My friends drove me home and left me propped up on the couch holding a bucket. I woke up with vomit all over me. The bucket was clean as a whistle.
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Poor Al Gore, global warming completely debunked, via the very Internet you invented.
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Get a sense of humor. If you don't, it'll be incredibly frustrating.
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