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Congress is the Justin Bieber of our government

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Justin
Congress
Government

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In case you're wondering what we all do here during the commercial breaks, mostly we just sit around making catty remarks about the outfits you're all wearing at home.
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If you're going to give people 20 minutes of news satire, you've also got to give them Tiffani-Amber Thiessen or you're going to have rioting in the streets.
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We feel no obligation to follow the news cycle. In other words, I felt no obligation to cover story in anyway, because we're not like I said, we're not journalists. And at that point, there's nothing sort of funny or absurd or to say about it.
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The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.
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Bush's popularity is at 40% in South America? He could be their president!
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I've always run by the hierarchy of If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre, break something.
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So if you're negative, you live longer? That sounds like a cruel joke.
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To me, that's where a lot of satire lies. News used to hold itself to a higher plane and slowly it has dissolved into, well, me.
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9/11 references are like Lay's potato chips...no Congress can make just one.
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Senator John McCain, who spent over five years in a Vietnamese POW camp, publicly releases 1,000 pages of medical records. Now people are left with only open nagging questions: what kind of freak has 1,000 pages of medical records?
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To have not shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.
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If you break someone's leg, shouldn't you have to be the crutch for a while?
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The Rapture: The ultimate Republican back-up plan.
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The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.
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If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.
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You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls. What is wrong with you?
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Technology. It's like science, only useless.
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Nobody says, hey men should not drink. It's all about women must dress differently, women must walk differently, women must drink differently. Why are we not able to hold men to account for this behavior?
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Democrats do have a historic race going. Hillary Clinton vs. Barack Obama. Normally, when you see a black man or a woman president an asteroid is about to hit the Statue of Liberty.
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Nothing brings closure to a campaign like opening it up again.
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