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Congress is the Justin Bieber of our government
Jon Stewart
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Jon Stewart
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Justin
Congress
Government
More quotes by Jon Stewart
There is no such thing as an impartial jury because there are no impartial people. There are people that argue on the web for hours about who their favorite character on 'Friends' is.
Jon Stewart
If we are going to amend the constitution, shouldn't it be to keep the omos-hay from arrying-may?
Jon Stewart
Who cares how we avoided a war and got a dictator to give up his chemical weapons if we avoided a war and got a dictator to give up his chemical weapons.
Jon Stewart
The nation of Dubai banned the movie Charlie's Angles because it's offensive to the religion of Islam. Apparently, the religion of Islam is offended by anything without a plot.
Jon Stewart
Making it [St. Patrick's Day] a great day for the Irish, but just an ok day if you're looking for a quiet tavern to talk, read or have a white wine spritzer.
Jon Stewart
High school. You know, people say, 'I'll never do so-and-so again' - then they do it. So what? Sometimes somebody has crack, and you're looking to stay awake.
Jon Stewart
Everyone knows if a Republican comes out of the closet and sees a gay shadow, it means six more years of a Democratic administration.
Jon Stewart
Watching these channels all day is incredibly depressing. I live in a constant state of depression. I think of us as turd miners. I put on my helmet, I go and mine turds, hopefully I don't get turd lung disease.
Jon Stewart
Oh my god... Kerry is boring even when Bush is reading him.
Jon Stewart
The government is just you know, blowing the doors off the media. And not everywhere, and I think, this is where you know, a lot of those blog reporters and all of those things are bringing a lot of urgency and a lot of momentum to stories that wouldn't normally carry any momentum.
Jon Stewart
In case you're wondering what we all do here during the commercial breaks, mostly we just sit around making catty remarks about the outfits you're all wearing at home.
Jon Stewart
It's a wonder our country doesn't implode.
Jon Stewart
The wisdom of the masses is not always wise. You could put a lot of things to a vote-you could have put anti-miscegenation laws to a vote, and that would have passed pretty handily. Either all people are created equal-or they're not. You're either buying into the original premise of America-or you're not.
Jon Stewart
It's like hunting cows
Jon Stewart
People, if you can't get through the puns, I can't give you the good stuff.
Jon Stewart
Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain.
Jon Stewart
Comedy is the only form of entertainment where the audience doesn't know what to expect. In an evening, you might get ten comics doing ten different things. That's not what happens when you go to hear music. There isn't a classical performance followed by a hoedown followed by rap.
Jon Stewart
As long as I don't end up hosting a skin care commercial with Cher, I'm happy.
Jon Stewart
Here's what I realized about the yam - it's the same colour as a Nerf ball. You may be wondering: 'Is he saying he ate a Nerf ball?'.
Jon Stewart
Isn't it amazing what scientists can accomplish when no one makes them stop?
Jon Stewart
