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What you do for Jewish New Year is you go down to Times Square. It's a lot quieter than the regular New Year. It's just a few Jews walking around going, sup?

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Times
Square
Around
Squares
Going
Regular
Years
Jews
Jewish
Jew
Walking
Year
Quieter

More quotes by Jon Stewart

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Democrats do have a historic race going. Hillary Clinton vs. Barack Obama. Normally, when you see a black man or a woman president an asteroid is about to hit the Statue of Liberty.
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Really, an historic night last night. You may have heard, Barack Obama will be the first black president of the United States of America. ... Obama is also the first Democrat to receive more than 50 percent of the vote since Jimmy Carter, the first senator to be elected since Jack Kennedy, the first Muslim to be ... I said too much.
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The night I turned twenty-two, I drank a shot for every year. I was so drunk, I'd just walk up to people in the bar and hit them in the balls. My friends drove me home and left me propped up on the couch holding a bucket. I woke up with vomit all over me. The bucket was clean as a whistle.
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Everything is presented in as devious a manner as it could possibly be presented.
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Why would these English explorers search for these spices, yet never use them in their food?
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As we approach the millennium with sort of the idea that society is going to start spiraling into chaos, I'd love to be making jokes about that. Who wants to miss out on that? If the world is going to end, I want to be there the night before, goofing off.
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Nobody says, hey men should not drink. It's all about women must dress differently, women must walk differently, women must drink differently. Why are we not able to hold men to account for this behavior?
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Iran, Ireland, Israel. That's three countries, four religions that HATE each other. Way to go, 'I'.
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Bad jokes, and gay marriage are destroying this country - but torture can save it.
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Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between tyranny and freedom - it's a series of pendulum swings.
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If you break someone's leg, shouldn't you have to be the crutch for a while?
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Parenthood is an amazing opportunity to be able to ruin someone from scratch.
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Watching these channels all day is incredibly depressing. I live in a constant state of depression. I think of us as turd miners. I put on my helmet, I go and mine turds, hopefully I don't get turd lung disease.
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The bias of the mainstream media is toward sensationalism, conflict, and laziness.
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I think the main thing that has to end is men's defensiveness.
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I feel much more strongly about the abdication of responsibility by the media than by political advocates. They're representing a constituency.
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Nineteen people flew into the towers. It seems hard for me to imagine that we could go to war enough to make the world safe enough that nineteen people wouldn't want to do harm to us. So it seems like we have to rethink a strategy that is less military-based.
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While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and balanced Vermont's budget - all traditionally conservative policies. Dean also received an 'A' rating from the National Rifle Association, which I think you can't get unless you've killed a guy.
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When you think about it, Alaska is also near the North Pole, so she must also be friends with Santa.
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After going to war against the U.N.'s expressed wishes, the U.S. is now admitting it needs the U.N.'s help. It's the geopolitical equivalent of the 2 a.m. phone call ever parent dreads: 'Mom, I'm not saying I wrecked the car, but I need a ride home.'
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