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You've confused a war on your religion with not always getting everything you want.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Confused
Getting
Religion
War
Everything
Always

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Nobody says, hey men should not drink. It's all about women must dress differently, women must walk differently, women must drink differently. Why are we not able to hold men to account for this behavior?
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Everything is presented in as devious a manner as it could possibly be presented.
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I thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it's not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection.
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The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith.
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Remember that guy who got gored by a bull and the bull pulled his underwear off and he had to run around the ring naked? If that footage comes out, I'll run that.
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The United States Central Command of the Armed Forces has asked Geraldo Rivera to leave Iraq. It should also be noted that the only three other people that the U.S. military has asked to leave Iraq are Saddam Hussein and his two sons.
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I can't sing. Never been able to sing. I can't do voices very well. Every impression I do sounds the same. I can't dunk. Man, would I give anything to dunk. Just once.
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The government that governs best, governs best!
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The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1.
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And try as I might, I am having difficulty giving a f**k.
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When did fact checking and journalism go their separate ways?
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You need to take a long, hard look in the mirror and not come away thinking, Hey, there's something wrong with this mirror.
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Oh my god... Kerry is boring even when Bush is reading him.
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Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality.
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If it turns out that President Barack Obama can make a deal with the most intransigent, hard-line, unreasonable, totalitarian mullahs in the world but not with Republicans? Maybe he's not the problem.
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Here's the way I look at it. President Bush has uranium-tipped bunker busters and I have puns. I think he'll be OK.
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Jazz musicians are the coolest people on the planet. Can I have some cool?
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Usually when Obama says, 'Let me be clear,' he's about to get into some very unclear sh*t.
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I wonder who really is the change candidate? It can't be both of them [Hillary Clinton & Barak Obama]. What would be a black man and a woman - how could that be different than the 43 other Presidents we've had?
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Some people look at a glass and see it as half-full. Others look at a glass and call it a dragon.
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