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So Fox News is the voice of America and Obama is Stalin? Oh my God! I guess that makes me Yakov Smirnoff.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Voice
Makes
America
Stalin
Foxes
Obama
Guess
News

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Must be nice to be a Republican senator sometimes, because you get the fun of breaking sh*t and the joy of complaining the sh*t you just broke doesn't work.
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As long as I don't end up hosting a skin care commercial with Cher, I'm happy.
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When my syndicated show got canceled, the next day I still knew how to write jokes. That was a huge revelation. Because at first you think, I won't have any shelter! What am I gonna do? The sun is hot. Very thirsty.
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Don't worry, as long as America still has natural resources, you guys are okay.
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It seems like Michael Vick is going to jail for dog fighting. Hopefully, they won't have guard dogs.
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War that hasn't affected us here, in the way that you would imagine a five-year war would affect a country.
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Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.
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The Vietnam war was fought over portion size.
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It's the same argument people say about the blogs. The blogs are responsible. No, they're not. The blogs are like anything else. You judge each one based on its own veracity and intelligence and all of that.
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I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.
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That's the Senate Ethics Committee, an oxymoron since 1973.
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