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We declared war on terror-it's not even a noun, so, good luck.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Good
Noun
Nouns
Declared
Terror
Luck
Funny
War
Even

More quotes by Jon Stewart

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When Henry Hill [in Goodfellas] got arrested for the first time and Robert DeNiro met him at the courthouse and Henry Hill was really upset, 'cause he thought Robert DeNiro would be really mad at him. And DeNiro comes up to him and he gives him a $100 and he goes, You got pinched. We all get pinched, but you did it right, you didn't say nothing.
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Hopefully the only things off-limits are crummy jokes, but being a standup comedian, I know that's not always the case... You know it when you have to take a shower afterward.
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I feel much more strongly about the abdication of responsibility by the media than by political advocates. They're representing a constituency.
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[He died of thirst?] That sounds, if I might say, like the greatest Sprite commercial ever.
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To the people who are upset about their hard-earned tax money going to things they don’t like: welcome to the f*cking club. Reimburse me for the Iraq war and oil subsidies, and diaphragms are on me!
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If the guy in front of you at the polls has arm swords, you might want to considering filling out an absentee ballot.
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I remember having a grade-school teacher I thought was a hard-ass. When you're that age, you think the guy is Himmler. Then you visit him eight years later and he's wearing polyester pants, he's four foot eight, you think he's gay, and you're like, 'Are you the guy I was afraid of?
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It is hard to get mad at Donald Trump for saying stupid things, in the same way you don't get mad at a monkey when he throws poop at you at the zoo... What does get me angry is the ridiculous, disingenuous defending of the poop-throwing monkey.
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A guy who says what people who aren't thinking are thinking.
Jon Stewart
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And try as I might, I am having difficulty giving a f**k.
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People talk about sexual assault like it's a bad habit that men have.
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You need to take a long, hard look in the mirror and not come away thinking, Hey, there's something wrong with this mirror.
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I only find out where countries are when we start bombing them.
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You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls. What is wrong with you?
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Michael Brown, the director of FEMA, was nominated by President Bush in 2003 and plans to start the job any day now. ... Prior to heading FEMA, Brown spent the 90's as a commissioner -- this is true -- of the International Arabian Horse Association. I guess he stands out because most Bush appointees are beholden to Arabian people.
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Don't you dare besmirch the name of Congress. They are patriotic Americans trying to dress and feed themselves.
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By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.
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If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news.
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Songwriting is the way of perpetual want. Songwriters are the blessed/cursed people. You will never have a moment's peace in your life. You will always be wanting the next song.
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Some people look at a glass and see it as half-full. Others look at a glass and call it a dragon.
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