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Do you know how many movies I wrote when I was high?
Jon Stewart
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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Many
Weed
Wrote
Movies
High
More quotes by Jon Stewart
Who cares how we avoided a war and got a dictator to give up his chemical weapons if we avoided a war and got a dictator to give up his chemical weapons.
Jon Stewart
It's a wonder our country doesn't implode.
Jon Stewart
I remember having a grade-school teacher I thought was a hard-ass. When you're that age, you think the guy is Himmler. Then you visit him eight years later and he's wearing polyester pants, he's four foot eight, you think he's gay, and you're like, 'Are you the guy I was afraid of?
Jon Stewart
I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a charm.
Jon Stewart
When the court that handpicked you to be president tells you you've overstepped your bounds, you've overstepped your bounds.
Jon Stewart
Nobody cares that Mitt Romney is rich. It’s Romney’s inability to understand the institutional advantage that he gains from the government’s tax code largesse that’s a little offensive to people. Especially considering Romney’s view on anyone else who looks to the government for things like, I don’t know, food and medicine.
Jon Stewart
If everything is amplified, we hear nothing.
Jon Stewart
If the guy in front of you at the polls has arm swords, you might want to considering filling out an absentee ballot.
Jon Stewart
Nobody says, hey men should not drink. It's all about women must dress differently, women must walk differently, women must drink differently. Why are we not able to hold men to account for this behavior?
Jon Stewart
I want a sandwich named after me.
Jon Stewart
Sometimes it's hard to face your own...life.
Jon Stewart
Wait a minute! Wait a minute! I figured this out. I know what's wrong with what we've done in Iraq. We've been following time as it goes forward. What a classic mistake. Linear time is so pre-9-11.
Jon Stewart
This show is our own personal beliefs.
Jon Stewart
Don't you dare besmirch the name of Congress. They are patriotic Americans trying to dress and feed themselves.
Jon Stewart
The American people, or at least the ones that I get on the subway with - they know there's a real threat out there. They felt like Iraq lessened our ability to fight that threat.
Jon Stewart
Watching these channels all day is incredibly depressing. I live in a constant state of depression. I think of us as turd miners. I put on my helmet, I go and mine turds, hopefully I don't get turd lung disease.
Jon Stewart
Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border. This is how you know we have a strong army, when you can actually tell your enemy exactly where your camp is and what its name is.
Jon Stewart
Sitting around with funny people, banging out jokes and creating a television show. I have no hobbies, no outside interests. I'm fine with spending 14 hours a day putting a show together with tape and string.
Jon Stewart
That's the Senate Ethics Committee, an oxymoron since 1973.
Jon Stewart
The reason I don’t worry about society is, nineteen people knocked down two buildings and killed thousands. Hundreds of people ran into those buildings to save them. I’ll take those odds every f*cking day.
Jon Stewart
