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Do you know how many movies I wrote when I was high?

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Weed
Wrote
Movies
High
Many

More quotes by Jon Stewart

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We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry.
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I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.
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I feel your scorn, and I accept it.
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Iran, Ireland, Israel. That's three countries, four religions that HATE each other. Way to go, 'I'.
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If you break someone's leg, shouldn't you have to be the crutch for a while?
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The American people, or at least the ones that I get on the subway with - they know there's a real threat out there. They felt like Iraq lessened our ability to fight that threat.
Jon Stewart
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Yon Kippur. Greatest Jewish holiday ever. The Jewish day of attonement. You don't ear for one day, all your sins for the year are wiped clean. Beat that with your little Lent. What is Lent? Forty days of absolution. Forty days to one day. Even in sin you're paying retail.
Jon Stewart
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Nineteen people flew into the towers. It seems hard for me to imagine that we could go to war enough to make the world safe enough that nineteen people wouldn't want to do harm to us. So it seems like we have to rethink a strategy that is less military-based.
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Maybe we should always show pictures. Bin Laden, pictures of our wounded service people, pictures of maimed innocent civilians. We can only make decisions about war if we see what war actually is - and not as a video game where bodies quickly disappear leaving behind a shiny gold coin.
Jon Stewart
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If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?
Jon Stewart
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I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else.
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Corporations are the only reason the tax code is so complicated in the first place. Those off-shore loopholes didn't get carved out by poor people.
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They may want to insist that corporations are people but corporations are certainly not Americans.
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I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a charm.
Jon Stewart
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Remember that guy who got gored by a bull and the bull pulled his underwear off and he had to run around the ring naked? If that footage comes out, I'll run that.
Jon Stewart
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McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.
Jon Stewart
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Technology. It's like science, only useless.
Jon Stewart
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It's great having Bruce Springsteen on my show. We have so much in common! We're both from New Jersey, just from different neighborhoods. Sort of like how Martin Luther King and Margaret Mitchell both came from Atlanta. But from different neighborhoods.
Jon Stewart
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Everything in Italian sounds like 'Give me your money or I'm going to beat your @$$'.
Jon Stewart
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9/11 references are like Lay's potato chips...no Congress can make just one.
Jon Stewart