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The last thing we'll hear is some scientist saying 'It works!'

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Hear
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Thing
Scientist
Works
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More quotes by Jon Stewart

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Bad jokes, and gay marriage are destroying this country - but torture can save it.
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They create these rules and argue about things we don't even understand. It is like watching soccer. You sit there and you're sort of amused, but most of the time you're thinking, pick up the ball! That's what you're thinking.
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I have a lot of hostility.
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[CNN, USA Today] they've got 24 hours to fill. You know, how many times can Anna Nicole Smith's baby get a new father?
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If everything is amplified, we hear nothing.
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Don't worry, as long as America still has natural resources, you guys are okay.
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Nathan Lane's Bus of Broadway Fun will be leaving shortly.
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While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and balanced Vermont's budget - all traditionally conservative policies. Dean also received an 'A' rating from the National Rifle Association, which I think you can't get unless you've killed a guy.
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People, if you can't get through the puns, I can't give you the good stuff.
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I can't tell you how many times we'll run into a journalist and go, Boy that's...I wish we could be saying that. That's exactly the way we see it and that's exactly the way we'd like to be saying that. And I always think, Well, why don't you?
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If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values: they're hobbies.
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When you think about it, Alaska is also near the North Pole, so she must also be friends with Santa.
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Watching Fox, that's like watching the Cartoon Network. Fox is nuts.
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In case you're wondering what we all do here during the commercial breaks, mostly we just sit around making catty remarks about the outfits you're all wearing at home.
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Poor Al Gore, global warming completely debunked, via the very Internet you invented.
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The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1.
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[When you have kids] you become much more - there are two things that happen. You recognize how fragile individuals are, and you recognize the strength of the general overall group, but you don't care anymore. You're just fighting for the one thing. See and then, you also recognize that everybody, then, is also somebody's child.
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The danger of oppression is not just being oppressed, it's becoming an oppressor.
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I don't think marijuana should be illegal.
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Don't you dare besmirch the name of Congress. They are patriotic Americans trying to dress and feed themselves.
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