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Bad jokes, and gay marriage are destroying this country - but torture can save it.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Torture
Gay
Jokes
Save
Marriage
Politics
Country
Destroying

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Jazz musicians are the coolest people on the planet. Can I have some cool?
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I think the main thing that has to end is men's defensiveness.
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If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values: they're hobbies.
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If you break someone's leg, shouldn't you have to be the crutch for a while?
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In case you're wondering what we all do here during the commercial breaks, mostly we just sit around making catty remarks about the outfits you're all wearing at home.
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[CNN, USA Today] they've got 24 hours to fill. You know, how many times can Anna Nicole Smith's baby get a new father?
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That's the beauty of our show. Comedy or politics. We're sort of a mix. A space age polymer of both. A synthetic comedy-like material.
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Everything in Italian sounds like 'Give me your money or I'm going to beat your @$$'.
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People talk about sexual assault like it's a bad habit that men have.
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The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith.
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To have not shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.
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Why would these English explorers search for these spices, yet never use them in their food?
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Here's what I realized about the yam - it's the same colour as a Nerf ball. You may be wondering: 'Is he saying he ate a Nerf ball?'.
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In what is perhaps the strangest turn in the President's efforts to rally support, he agreed that Iraq is just like Vietnam, but in a good way.
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Putting the 10 commandments up to prevent crime is like putting 'Employees must wash hands' up to keep the piss out of your burger.
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I don't care about wealth. What seems to be upsetting is institutionalizing the advantages that wealth gives you.
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There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!
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9/11 references are like Lay's potato chips...no Congress can make just one.
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It's very hard to feel the difficulties that the military goes through. It's very hard to feel the difficulties of military families, unless you're in that environment. And sometimes you have to force yourself to try and put yourself in other people's sort of shoes and environment to get the sense of that.
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Iran, Ireland, Israel. That's three countries, four religions that HATE each other. Way to go, 'I'.
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