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Bad jokes, and gay marriage are destroying this country - but torture can save it.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Marriage
Politics
Country
Destroying
Torture
Gay
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More quotes by Jon Stewart

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Give me back the $800 billion for the Iraq war and children's television PBS is on the house.
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By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.
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Being funny in life is a lot more like judo. It's using the energy.
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The press has bravely and nobly eroded the public trust... What I'm advocating is the media come work for us again. Remove themselves from the symbiotic relationship that they have developed with the power structure of corporations and of the politicians.
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I feel like [God]'s hazing us.
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So if you're negative, you live longer? That sounds like a cruel joke.
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If the guy in front of you at the polls has arm swords, you might want to considering filling out an absentee ballot.
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Congress is the Justin Bieber of our government
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Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything.
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If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.
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I want a sandwich named after me.
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The Vietnam war was fought over portion size.
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The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.
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There is going to come a day when everyone here is going to need keen observation and wit to ridicule George W. Bush. But when that day comes, all we're going to have are tired puns and goofy looks. Because as you would say, we're suffering from the soft bigotry of low expectorations.
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I'm doing everything I can to sabotage my career. It's a little thing called fear of success.
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Bush's popularity is at 40% in South America? He could be their president!
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There is no such thing as an impartial jury because there are no impartial people. There are people that argue on the web for hours about who their favorite character on 'Friends' is.
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What's it called when a hellhole hits a cataclysm? A catastro[phrack]. I just coined that, didn't I?
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I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about, and that's really it. I have great respect for people who are in the front lines and the trenches of trying to enact social change, but I am far lazier than that.
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The United States Central Command of the Armed Forces has asked Geraldo Rivera to leave Iraq. It should also be noted that the only three other people that the U.S. military has asked to leave Iraq are Saddam Hussein and his two sons.
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