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You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Pants
Puts
Wonder
Morning
Government
Sometimes

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Hopefully the only things off-limits are crummy jokes, but being a standup comedian, I know that's not always the case... You know it when you have to take a shower afterward.
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The best defence against bullshit is vigilance. So if you smell something, say something.
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A guy who says what people who aren't thinking are thinking.
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The nation of Dubai banned the movie Charlie's Angles because it's offensive to the religion of Islam. Apparently, the religion of Islam is offended by anything without a plot.
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Wow, the entire network of anchors has been hired to be the press secretary.
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The government is just you know, blowing the doors off the media. And not everywhere, and I think, this is where you know, a lot of those blog reporters and all of those things are bringing a lot of urgency and a lot of momentum to stories that wouldn't normally carry any momentum.
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You need to take a long, hard look in the mirror and not come away thinking, Hey, there's something wrong with this mirror.
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McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.
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The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.
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If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?
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I mean, I'm not hoping for the apes and the monolith. I'm hoping for controlled chaos to assist us.
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Everything in Italian sounds like 'Give me your money or I'm going to beat your @$$'.
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I only find out where countries are when we start bombing them.
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Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core.
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It is hard to get mad at Donald Trump for saying stupid things, in the same way you don't get mad at a monkey when he throws poop at you at the zoo... What does get me angry is the ridiculous, disingenuous defending of the poop-throwing monkey.
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As an adolescent, Vonnegut made my life bearable.
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The Westboro Baptist Church is no more a church than Church's Fried Chicken is a church.
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