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You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Puts
Wonder
Morning
Government
Sometimes
Pants

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I thought we were out of money!? You can't simultaneously fire teachers AND tomahawk missiles.
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There is going to come a day when everyone here is going to need keen observation and wit to ridicule George W. Bush. But when that day comes, all we're going to have are tired puns and goofy looks. Because as you would say, we're suffering from the soft bigotry of low expectorations.
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Remember that guy who got gored by a bull and the bull pulled his underwear off and he had to run around the ring naked? If that footage comes out, I'll run that.
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A joke is a joke. There's an expression - I don't know if you have it - that's 'adding insult to injury.'
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People talk about sexual assault like it's a bad habit that men have.
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In case you're wondering what we all do here during the commercial breaks, mostly we just sit around making catty remarks about the outfits you're all wearing at home.
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The United States Central Command of the Armed Forces has asked Geraldo Rivera to leave Iraq. It should also be noted that the only three other people that the U.S. military has asked to leave Iraq are Saddam Hussein and his two sons.
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You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things.
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So if you're negative, you live longer? That sounds like a cruel joke.
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One of the things that I do think government counts on is that people are busy. And it's very difficult to mobilize a busy and relatively affluent country, unless it's over really crucial- you know, foundational issues.
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Get a sense of humor. If you don't, it'll be incredibly frustrating.
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And try as I might, I am having difficulty giving a f**k.
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You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls. What is wrong with you?
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Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core.
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