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By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Still
Bottles
Way
Finish
Dreams
Broken
Pouch
Hold
Crown
Use
Bottle
Dream
Crowns
Stills
Royal

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Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core.
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The conversation that the Senate and the House are having with the President [Barack Obama] was very similar to the conversation that [John] McCain and I were having, which was two people talking over each other and nobody really addressing the underlying issues of what kind of country do we want to be.
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Here it is. My moment of zen.
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I'm also interviewing a guy who's just written a book about his experience living in Iraq, faced with the type of violence as he said, an unimaginable scale. And I think that the combination of that is very hard to shake.
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I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.
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The Rapture: The ultimate Republican back-up plan.
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Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you've gotta admit: a lot of people hate him.
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My buddy Tim Bass he's a-workin' pumpin gas, and he makes two fifty for an hour. He's got rhythm in his hands as he's tappin' on the cans, sings rock and roll in the shower.
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Nazi Germany was so destructive to Judaism not only for the loss of life, but because many who survived began to see the practice of Judaism as somewhat of a health hazard.
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And try as I might, I am having difficulty giving a f**k.
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There is going to come a day when everyone here is going to need keen observation and wit to ridicule George W. Bush. But when that day comes, all we're going to have are tired puns and goofy looks. Because as you would say, we're suffering from the soft bigotry of low expectorations.
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I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a charm.
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If we are going to amend the constitution, shouldn't it be to keep the omos-hay from arrying-may?
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I'm not trying to be modest of self-deprecating or in any way trying to do that.
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That's what it's like to be a comedian. You basically stand and stare at the world and hope it craps out cause that's a good year for you. So that's not a pleasant feeling.
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I like not to be good at anything, so I keep hopping around.
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Hopefully the only things off-limits are crummy jokes, but being a standup comedian, I know that's not always the case... You know it when you have to take a shower afterward.
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Iran, Ireland, Israel. That's three countries, four religions that HATE each other. Way to go, 'I'.
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Poor Al Gore, global warming completely debunked, via the very Internet you invented.
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Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearing the symbols of their religion... perhaps around their necks? And maybe -- dare I dream it? -- maybe one day there can be an openly Christian President. Or, perhaps, 43 of them. Consecutively.
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