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There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Live
Stops
Heart
Standing
Like
Room
Rooms
Comedy
Hell
Guy
Scarier
Jobs
Operating

More quotes by Jon Stewart

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Here it is. My moment of zen.
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Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you've gotta admit: a lot of people hate him.
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How refreshing. A suspect beaten up BEFORE the LAPD showed up.
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If you smell something, say something.
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If the guy in front of you at the polls has arm swords, you might want to considering filling out an absentee ballot.
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On an average day 7 minutes of news happens. Yet there are currently three full-time, 24-hour news networks.
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The blow back from the cold war is that a weakened Russia allowed Afghanistan to become a failed state, and then all this weaponry to flow into all these other conflicts. Our greatest triumph has almost fueled our most intractable battle now.
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Congress is the Justin Bieber of our government
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If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.
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I still do not understand how a corporation can have person-hood if it has no soul and never dies.
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Wait a minute! Wait a minute! I figured this out. I know what's wrong with what we've done in Iraq. We've been following time as it goes forward. What a classic mistake. Linear time is so pre-9-11.
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[CNN, USA Today] they've got 24 hours to fill. You know, how many times can Anna Nicole Smith's baby get a new father?
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There is going to come a day when everyone here is going to need keen observation and wit to ridicule George W. Bush. But when that day comes, all we're going to have are tired puns and goofy looks. Because as you would say, we're suffering from the soft bigotry of low expectorations.
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People talk about sexual assault like it's a bad habit that men have.
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I remember having a grade-school teacher I thought was a hard-ass. When you're that age, you think the guy is Himmler. Then you visit him eight years later and he's wearing polyester pants, he's four foot eight, you think he's gay, and you're like, 'Are you the guy I was afraid of?
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I visit Fox News every now and again, and it's nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building.
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[He died of thirst?] That sounds, if I might say, like the greatest Sprite commercial ever.
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I wonder who really is the change candidate? It can't be both of them [Hillary Clinton & Barak Obama]. What would be a black man and a woman - how could that be different than the 43 other Presidents we've had?
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Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything.
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I feel your scorn, and I accept it.
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