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If you're going to give people 20 minutes of news satire, you've also got to give them Tiffani-Amber Thiessen or you're going to have rioting in the streets.
Jon Stewart
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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
People
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Amber
More quotes by Jon Stewart
My buddy Tim Bass he's a-workin' pumpin gas, and he makes two fifty for an hour. He's got rhythm in his hands as he's tappin' on the cans, sings rock and roll in the shower.
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I can't tell you how many times we'll run into a journalist and go, Boy that's...I wish we could be saying that. That's exactly the way we see it and that's exactly the way we'd like to be saying that. And I always think, Well, why don't you?
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A joke is a joke. There's an expression - I don't know if you have it - that's 'adding insult to injury.'
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I thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it's not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection.
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The reason I don’t worry about society is, nineteen people knocked down two buildings and killed thousands. Hundreds of people ran into those buildings to save them. I’ll take those odds every f*cking day.
Jon Stewart
President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader.
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If everything is amplified, we hear nothing.
Jon Stewart
Nobody cares that Mitt Romney is rich. It’s Romney’s inability to understand the institutional advantage that he gains from the government’s tax code largesse that’s a little offensive to people. Especially considering Romney’s view on anyone else who looks to the government for things like, I don’t know, food and medicine.
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The only time a politico will try to avoid playing the blame game is when they or theirs are to blame.
Jon Stewart
McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.
Jon Stewart
The value of holding a grudge. And to always refer to my father sarcastically as Mr. Wonderful.
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Do you know how many movies I wrote when I was high?
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When my syndicated show got canceled, the next day I still knew how to write jokes. That was a huge revelation. Because at first you think, I won't have any shelter! What am I gonna do? The sun is hot. Very thirsty.
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When the court that handpicked you to be president tells you you've overstepped your bounds, you've overstepped your bounds.
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Child: Why on this night do we eat Hot Fudge Sundaes? Adult: To remind us that being Jewish is like having your birthday every day!! Plus they're delicious!
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Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.
Jon Stewart
I have the liberal dictionary right here...let's see how they define water-boarding: 'Something done by the evil troops, who we don't support, to innocent terrorists violating their rights to bomb our cities and make us get gay marriage.'
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The conversation that the Senate and the House are having with the President [Barack Obama] was very similar to the conversation that [John] McCain and I were having, which was two people talking over each other and nobody really addressing the underlying issues of what kind of country do we want to be.
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The real challenge is when I'm at work, I'm at work. I'm locked in, I'm ready to go, I'm focused. When I'm at home, I'm locked in and I'm ready to go and I'm focused on home. We don't watch the show. We don't watch the news. We don't do any of that stuff. I sit down, I play Barbies. And sometimes the kids will come home and play with me.
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I really think [the Bush Administration]'s foreign policy agenda is to spread irony through the world.
Jon Stewart