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McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Death
Done
Penalty
Penalties
Frankly
Lawyer
Quite

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The government that governs best, governs best!
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Does anyone know... does the Christian persecution complex have an expiration date? Because... uh... you've all been in charge pretty much since... uh... what was that guys name... Constantine. He converted in, what was it, 312 A.D. I'm just saying, enjoy your success.
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If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.
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Here's the way I look at it. President Bush has uranium-tipped bunker busters and I have puns. I think he'll be OK.
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61% of graduating teens have had sex, 37% will eventually have sex, and 2% become statisticians.
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The problem with the Tea Party is they're all ignorant hillbillies who drink moonshine and ride around on mules. And they believe in stereotypes too.
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It's not really a good sign when your audience applauds Satan.
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There is going to come a day when everyone here is going to need keen observation and wit to ridicule George W. Bush. But when that day comes, all we're going to have are tired puns and goofy looks. Because as you would say, we're suffering from the soft bigotry of low expectorations.
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The Vietnam war was fought over portion size.
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Democrats do have a historic race going. Hillary Clinton vs. Barack Obama. Normally, when you see a black man or a woman president an asteroid is about to hit the Statue of Liberty.
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[CNN, USA Today] they've got 24 hours to fill. You know, how many times can Anna Nicole Smith's baby get a new father?
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I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.
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When my syndicated show got canceled, the next day I still knew how to write jokes. That was a huge revelation. Because at first you think, I won't have any shelter! What am I gonna do? The sun is hot. Very thirsty.
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Songwriting is the way of perpetual want. Songwriters are the blessed/cursed people. You will never have a moment's peace in your life. You will always be wanting the next song.
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If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values: they're hobbies.
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I visit Fox News every now and again, and it's nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building.
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Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality.
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I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a charm.
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The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith.
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