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I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a charm.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Time
Academy
Awards
Host
Charm
Third
Thirds
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Thrilled

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You can use your idealism to further your aims, if you realize that nothing is Nirvana, nothing is perfect.
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While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and balanced Vermont's budget - all traditionally conservative policies. Dean also received an 'A' rating from the National Rifle Association, which I think you can't get unless you've killed a guy.
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If we are going to amend the constitution, shouldn't it be to keep the omos-hay from arrying-may?
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What's it called when a hellhole hits a cataclysm? A catastro[phrack]. I just coined that, didn't I?
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They may want to insist that corporations are people but corporations are certainly not Americans.
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What you do for Jewish New Year is you go down to Times Square. It's a lot quieter than the regular New Year. It's just a few Jews walking around going, sup?
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By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.
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In Iraq, the U.S. military's whack-a-mole approach to killing Saddam Hussein may have finally paid off. The bombs destroyed the area and left behind a 60-foot crater, or as coalition forces prefer to call it: a freedom hole.
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Any fool can blow something up. Any fool can destroy. But to see these guys, these firefighters and these policemen and people from all over the country, literally with buckets, rebuilding... that's extraordinary. And that's why we have already won... they can't... it's light. It's democracy. They can't shut that down.
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It's not really a good sign when your audience applauds Satan.
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That's the Senate Ethics Committee, an oxymoron since 1973.
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The best defence against bullshit is vigilance. So if you smell something, say something.
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You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things.
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It's great having Bruce Springsteen on my show. We have so much in common! We're both from New Jersey, just from different neighborhoods. Sort of like how Martin Luther King and Margaret Mitchell both came from Atlanta. But from different neighborhoods.
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Everything is presented in as devious a manner as it could possibly be presented.
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[When you have kids] you become much more - there are two things that happen. You recognize how fragile individuals are, and you recognize the strength of the general overall group, but you don't care anymore. You're just fighting for the one thing. See and then, you also recognize that everybody, then, is also somebody's child.
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When you think about it, Alaska is also near the North Pole, so she must also be friends with Santa.
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I still do not understand how a corporation can have person-hood if it has no soul and never dies.
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I have the liberal dictionary right here...let's see how they define water-boarding: 'Something done by the evil troops, who we don't support, to innocent terrorists violating their rights to bomb our cities and make us get gay marriage.'
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The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1.
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