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I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.
Jon Stewart
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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Always
Canada
Impression
Days
Funny
Two
America
Hilarious
Take
Witty
Country
Gotten
More quotes by Jon Stewart
I have the liberal dictionary right here...let's see how they define water-boarding: 'Something done by the evil troops, who we don't support, to innocent terrorists violating their rights to bomb our cities and make us get gay marriage.'
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The danger of oppression is not just being oppressed, it's becoming an oppressor.
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Oh my god... Kerry is boring even when Bush is reading him.
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Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything.
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What would Jesus, or any human being who isn't an asshole, do?
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Whenever you take over something that is popular and has a fanatical following that loves it, you're never going to please everyone. The trick is to have enough wherewithal to follow through with what you want to do with it and give it time to evolve.
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You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls. What is wrong with you?
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The Westboro Baptist Church is no more a church than Church's Fried Chicken is a church.
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If you smell something, say something.
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To have not shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.
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The bias of the mainstream media is toward sensationalism, conflict, and laziness.
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I think that, if we do anything in a positive sense for the world, is provide one little bit of context, that's very specifically focused, and hopefully people can add to their entire puzzle that gives them a larger picture of what it is that they see.
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[Hugh Jackman is] an Adamantium-laced Fred Astaire.
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Some people look at a glass and see it as half-full. Others look at a glass and call it a dragon.
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Is listening to Pink Floyd in the dark a medical condition?
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The wisdom of the masses is not always wise. You could put a lot of things to a vote-you could have put anti-miscegenation laws to a vote, and that would have passed pretty handily. Either all people are created equal-or they're not. You're either buying into the original premise of America-or you're not.
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There is going to come a day when everyone here is going to need keen observation and wit to ridicule George W. Bush. But when that day comes, all we're going to have are tired puns and goofy looks. Because as you would say, we're suffering from the soft bigotry of low expectorations.
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Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you've gotta admit: a lot of people hate him.
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Being funny in life is a lot more like judo. It's using the energy.
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I don't care about wealth. What seems to be upsetting is institutionalizing the advantages that wealth gives you.
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