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Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.
Jon Stewart
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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Sack
Laid
Year
Earth
Able
Years
More quotes by Jon Stewart
I'm less upset with politicians than the media. I feel like politicians, there is a certain, inherent - you know, the way I always explain it is, when you go to the zoo and a monkey throws its feces, it's a monkey. But, when the zookeeper is standing right there, and he doesn't say bad monkey... Somebody's got to be the zookeeper.
Jon Stewart
[The conversation with John McCain] is not about being a pacifist or- suggesting that you can never have a military solution to things. It's just that, it appears that this is not the smart way to fight this threat.
Jon Stewart
The bias of the mainstream media is toward sensationalism, conflict, and laziness.
Jon Stewart
To the people who are upset about their hard-earned tax money going to things they don’t like: welcome to the f*cking club. Reimburse me for the Iraq war and oil subsidies, and diaphragms are on me!
Jon Stewart
The government is just you know, blowing the doors off the media. And not everywhere, and I think, this is where you know, a lot of those blog reporters and all of those things are bringing a lot of urgency and a lot of momentum to stories that wouldn't normally carry any momentum.
Jon Stewart
President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader.
Jon Stewart
Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.
Jon Stewart
College is something you complete. Life is something you experience. So don't worry about your grade, or the results or success. Success is defined in myriad ways, and you will find it, and people will no longer be grading you, but it will come from your own internal sense of decency.
Jon Stewart
Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain.
Jon Stewart
Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border. This is how you know we have a strong army, when you can actually tell your enemy exactly where your camp is and what its name is.
Jon Stewart
Yon Kippur. Greatest Jewish holiday ever. The Jewish day of attonement. You don't ear for one day, all your sins for the year are wiped clean. Beat that with your little Lent. What is Lent? Forty days of absolution. Forty days to one day. Even in sin you're paying retail.
Jon Stewart
Hopefully the only things off-limits are crummy jokes, but being a standup comedian, I know that's not always the case... You know it when you have to take a shower afterward.
Jon Stewart
So if you're negative, you live longer? That sounds like a cruel joke.
Jon Stewart
Is listening to Pink Floyd in the dark a medical condition?
Jon Stewart
Parenthood is an amazing opportunity to be able to ruin someone from scratch.
Jon Stewart
I don't trust any country that looks around a continent and says, Hey, I'll take the frozen part.
Jon Stewart
Sitting around with funny people, banging out jokes and creating a television show. I have no hobbies, no outside interests. I'm fine with spending 14 hours a day putting a show together with tape and string.
Jon Stewart
On an average day 7 minutes of news happens. Yet there are currently three full-time, 24-hour news networks.
Jon Stewart
I really think [the Bush Administration]'s foreign policy agenda is to spread irony through the world.
Jon Stewart
If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news.
Jon Stewart
