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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Cigarette
Meals
Wealthy
Smoking
Sex
Gave
Guy
Cigarettes
Consuming

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Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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I'm an entertainer I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about it. If I don't happen to be a laughing boy off the screen, that doesn't make me a hypocrite or a phony.
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I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
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Entertainment is like any other major industry it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made if you can't, you're out.
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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