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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Wealthy
Smoking
Sex
Gave
Guy
Cigarettes
Consuming
Cigarette
Meals

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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
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Only lie about the future.
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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
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The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.
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