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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Meals
Wealthy
Smoking
Sex
Gave
Guy
Cigarettes
Consuming
Cigarette

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As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
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Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.
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May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
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The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
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Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
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Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.
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The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.
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If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.
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They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
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