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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Hear
Lying
White
House
Nixon
Someone
Royalty
Tells
Whenever
Gets

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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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I have an ego like anybody else, but I don't need to be stoked by going before the public all the time.
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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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