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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Someone
Royalty
Tells
Whenever
Gets
Hear
Lying
White
House
Nixon
More quotes by Johnny Carson
The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
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I have an ego like anybody else, but I don't need to be stoked by going before the public all the time.
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Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
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My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
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May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
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Only lie about the future.
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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Entertainment is like any other major industry it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made if you can't, you're out.
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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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