Quote

Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.

Johnny Carson

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Suits
Happiness
Paternity
Served
Suit
Birthday

More quotes by Johnny Carson

Image
Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
Johnny Carson
Image
They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
Johnny Carson
Image
The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
Johnny Carson
Image
Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
Johnny Carson
Image
Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
Johnny Carson
Image
In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
Johnny Carson
Image
An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
Johnny Carson
Image
Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
Johnny Carson
Image
Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
Johnny Carson
Image
When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
Johnny Carson
Image
As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
Johnny Carson
Image
I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.
Johnny Carson
Image
Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
Johnny Carson
Image
I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
Johnny Carson
Image
The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.
Johnny Carson
Image
I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
Johnny Carson
Image
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Johnny Carson
Image
May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
Johnny Carson
Image
I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
Johnny Carson
Image
Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
Johnny Carson