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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Served
Suit
Birthday
Suits
Happiness
Paternity

More quotes by Johnny Carson

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I'm an entertainer I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about it. If I don't happen to be a laughing boy off the screen, that doesn't make me a hypocrite or a phony.
Johnny Carson
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
Johnny Carson
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The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.
Johnny Carson
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I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.
Johnny Carson
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
Johnny Carson
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
Johnny Carson
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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
Johnny Carson
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
Johnny Carson
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May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
Johnny Carson
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
Johnny Carson
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Johnny Carson
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Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
Johnny Carson
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
Johnny Carson
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I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
Johnny Carson
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
Johnny Carson
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If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
Johnny Carson
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I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
Johnny Carson
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I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.
Johnny Carson
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
Johnny Carson
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They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
Johnny Carson