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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Paternity
Served
Suit
Birthday
Suits
Happiness
More quotes by Johnny Carson
I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
Johnny Carson
They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
Johnny Carson
It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
Johnny Carson
Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
Johnny Carson
There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
Johnny Carson
Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
Johnny Carson
If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
Johnny Carson
May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
Johnny Carson
Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
Johnny Carson
I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
Johnny Carson
The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
Johnny Carson
I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
Johnny Carson
George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
Johnny Carson
