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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Suit
Birthday
Suits
Happiness
Paternity
Served
More quotes by Johnny Carson
For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
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I have an ego like anybody else, but I don't need to be stoked by going before the public all the time.
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
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I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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Only lie about the future.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
Johnny Carson
