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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Discovering
Doctor
Doctors
Drink
Fermented
Happiness
Prune
Prunes
Ordered
Juice
More quotes by Johnny Carson
I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
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I'm an entertainer I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about it. If I don't happen to be a laughing boy off the screen, that doesn't make me a hypocrite or a phony.
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My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
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May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
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As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
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When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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