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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Discovering
Doctor
Doctors
Drink
Fermented
Happiness
Prune
Prunes
Ordered
Juice
More quotes by Johnny Carson
According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
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May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
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Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
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When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
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The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
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A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
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The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
Johnny Carson
