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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Accepted
Son
College
Seeing
Happiness
Drafted
Expensive
More quotes by Johnny Carson
There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
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Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
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I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
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You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.
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I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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I have an ego like anybody else, but I don't need to be stoked by going before the public all the time.
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I am one of the lucky people in the world I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.
Johnny Carson
