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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Accepted
Son
College
Seeing
Happiness
Drafted
Expensive

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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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Entertainment is like any other major industry it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made if you can't, you're out.
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
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