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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Expensive
Accepted
Son
College
Seeing
Happiness
Drafted

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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
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A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.
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