Quote

Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
States
Hadn
Sadat
Really
Woods
Egyptian
Like
Dinner
Nixon
Rose
Entertain
Seen
Belly
Since
Impressed
State
Mary
President
Dancer

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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
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It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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