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May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Sex
Republican
Democracy
May
Life
Democrat
Income

More quotes by Johnny Carson

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Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.
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I am one of the lucky people in the world I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
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I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
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A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.
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There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.
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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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